Love Like Crazy

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse 'I love you.' Go to work, do your best, and don't outsmart your common sense. Never let your prayin' knees get lazy, and love like crazy!" - Lee Brice

These words are perfect for beginning a new year. Truly good words to live by.

I always have "goals" I try to accomplish each year. Call them "resolutions" if you want, but I really think they are goals. If I don't finish them, fine. If I do, fine.

My goals this year are somewhat standard and boring, but I'm looking forward to completing them.

I thought I'd share them so that it is down for everyone to see and a year from now you can ask me "Cheyenne, did you do all of that?" Hopefully I can say "yes, damn sure did!"

Here they are, 13 goals for 2013.....in no particular order:

1) get into school (I don't have control over that at this point, God does. I'm just waiting on the word...)
2) get my house clean/organized and keep it that way!!! I'm good about getting it clean (sometimes) but it never stays that way for long. I've always been a messy person, all my life. I hope I can develop good habits to change that. Grandma says it's because I "live" in my house, whereas some people are just always on the go in theirs. Who knows?!
3) run/walk three 5K fun-runs, unless school doesn't allow for it. Last year I did two so I thought 3 would be reasonable. Hopefully the Warrior Dash will be in there, but with all the injuries, I'm not sure it's a smart idea
4) make my front flower beds more appealing, concrete around my front porch, fence in my front yard, finally make a compost bin, and actually put up Christmas lights next year! (Thanks mom for buying me some haha!)
5) sell my eggs and use the money to take a good trip or two (dependent upon school again) - don't judge me!
6) actually do some of the things I've pinned on Pinterest, including recreating some of those adorable outfits!! Promise I will post pics of them on my C.R.A.M.P.S. blog!
7) continue to work-out and eat better - hopefully lose just 1 dress size, though I'm fine with how I am now as long as I get more toned! Follow my progress here on my "getting healthy" blog!
8) be more persistent in my prayers and better at praying for others that I know need it
9) continue to serve at church and go/watch it regularly. I love Life Church!
10) get back to my old Life Group or find a new one, depending on work and school
11) volunteer more!
12) train Charlie as a "care pet" to take to nursing homes and whatnot to make people feel better. I know he always makes me smile!
.......And lastly......
13) Be a best friend, tell the truth, overuse "I love you." Go to work, do my best, don't outsmart my common sense. Never let my praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy!

I guess that's about all. Totally reasonable!

What are some of your goals?

The Dog Days Are Over

"Happiness hit her, like a train on a track" - Florence and the Machine

It's been a while, but here we go.....

On January 1st, I began a post titled "Real" with this paragraph:

"Last January 1st I said "I am going to make this a good year" - well, it wasn't. So I won't say that this year. I will say that I'm going to find some good in every day and focus on that. Hopefully by the end of the year - or December 21st when it all ends - I can look back and say "this was a great year." Fingers crossed."

Here we are, the end of this year.......so the big question of course is: was it a great year?

Yes. It was. Finally!

I haven't had this good of a year in a long time. Oh sure, I've had moments of years that were wonderful (such as my internships), but the years as a whole were less than desirable. This year, nothing *resume* worthy happened - school-wise/job-wise - I just worked at the same job it seems I will die at, took some classes (very fun ones!), and applied to PA and nursing school (still waiting on answers).

So what made it so great? Well, I'll tell you.

The first thing(s) was God, friends, and family. I continued strengthening my relationship with God through prayer (and faith!) and I became more involved in church, which has been wonderful! There have been moments of despair that my family has talked me through and listened to me vent and stress about. Going to Cozumel with my mom (and others) was so great! And I've had tons of laughs with all my friends!

The paragraph above was featured in a post about dating. If you remember, I kicked off my year with a date and continued to date a few guys for a couple of months.....

Which brings me to my second reason for this being a great year....

John.

*DISCLAIMER* I'm not really the type of girl to get mushy-gushy in a public post about a guy, BUT, he and I were talking about our "date nights" a long time ago and he said something about hoping to give me a date that was blog-worthy sometime, since I posted about my first date of the year and all. The truth is, he has done a ton of things that have been blog-worthy...I'm just lazy and haven't been blogging much. So while I was stressing over what to do for him for Christmas, a *lightbulb* came on - dedicate a post to him. Genius! I know :)

So here it is.....

We can start with a few of the nice little things he's done for me:
1. On 3 or 4 random occasions, he's surprised me with roses - not as apologies or holidays, but "just because"
2. He surprised me with a limo in Vegas
3. He bought a ballroom dancing Groupon for us, without my consent, but it ended up being really fun
4. He brings me a Dr. Pepper daily at work (sometimes even from Sonic), sometimes 2 if I'm cranky
5. He reads/subscribes to my blog and apparently has since before we started dating....which is either creepy or sweet, I haven't decided yet....haha, just kidding...he says it was to "learn more about me" since I wasn't very open
6. He took me to Philbrook and then the gun range on our second date - it was awesome!
7. He asked to go to church with me after a couple months of dating, and rarely misses now....he goes without me when I'm at work and takes notes for me.

There are a lot of things, but if I named them all, this list would be forever long....these are just the memories that I've cherished most this year.

We have been friends since I transferred back to the ER in April 2010...I had a crush on him after only talking to him a few times....then learned he had a girlfriend.....buzzkill. So I went on with my business. Fast-forward to January, he asked me to go out for drinks a month or so after he became single...I said yes but in the back of my mind I was wondering why and if this was some sort of rebound thing.....I refused to be a rebound so I definitely kept my distance and my guard up for a long time. Shortly after that, my grandpa died (the one bad thing from this year, but even that was bearable because I know he's resting now and not in pain or confused)....most people think I handled it pretty well. But really, I was putting myself in a coma every night so I wouldn't cry (either by way of Nyquil, Ambien, or Vodka...ha!). John ended up being the person I talked to about it most. I don't know why considering I was still getting to know him, but for the next 2 or 3 weeks, we just talked and talked - e-mails, the phone, in person - he listened very well and seemed genuine enough. I didn't want to comatize myself when I talked to him, so I'd like to say he was a big part of helping me through those few weeks and I'm very thankful to him for it.

Most people didn't know we were dating until a month or two ago.....which is what we wanted.....but things have went well thus far so we decided we didn't need to keep it so quiet anymore.

As far as the future goes, we are just rolling with it. Things are going great and I'm happy. We are waiting to see what happens with my school.....if I end up nearby or don't get in this time around, we'll continue with what we've got going. If by the grace of God I get into Chicago or NYC, neither of us are fans of long distance and don't want to hold each other back, so we'll just see. I just know that I've dated a lot of guys, most of which are on my "crosswalk list" (if I saw them in a crosswalk, I might hit the gas instead of the brakes), and well, John makes me smile and laugh and this is the best relationship I've been in. I trust in God's will, and whatever is supposed to happen will happen for both of us.

MERRY CHRISTMAS JOHN! I hope you know how grateful I am to have you in my life!

Unthinkable

"I need you to rescue me from my destiny, I'm trying to live right and give you whatever's left of me. You know life is what we make it, and a chance is like a picture, it'd be nice if you just take it....got more than a thing for you, tattoo in the ink for you, right over my heart, I'll do the unthinkable." - Drake (song is "Unthinkable" by Alicia Keys, Drake is on the remix)

There is something so bittersweet about September......and October.....and November.......and oh what the heck, throw December in there too. Something about the Fall. Something I absolutely love and something I despise all in the same moment.

I can't explain it all that well, but I'll try.

First, I LOVE FALL FASHION. Oh how I love the clothes. BOOTS BOOTS and more BOOTS! And light layers. And leggings. And....you get the idea :)

Second, I LOVE FALL WEATHER. Not too cold but cool enough to just walk outside. Like Spring, but without the allergies! And the leaves are changing.....ahhh, I'm smiling just thinking about it.....

But Fall comes with some feelings that are not so great.....as previously mentioned, bittersweet. Mostly in the way of boys. Since 2007, every year without fail, there has been a boy (whether serious or not so much) or the memory of a boy that there has been some sort of roller coaster emotions with. I won't go into details. Some hurt more than others but either way, I also get both sentimental and sad around this time of year. I even have a playlist that I add to every year for the Fall.......


In Memory - Shinedown
Love, Save the Empty - Erin McCarley
Soft Skeletons  -Anberlin
Where I Stood  - Missy Higgins
Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Cary Brothers
I Feel It All - Feist
This Is The Thing - Fink
Sooner than Later - Drake
Head or Your Heart  - Mat Kearney
Element - Moses Mayfield
Valley of Tomorrow - NeedtoBreathe
Impossible - Anberlin
Un-Thinkable (I'm Ready) - Alicia Keys Ft. Drake
This Perfect Thing - Honestly
Trust Me - The Fray
Vienna - The Fray
Crash And Burn - Lifehouse
Only One  - Lifehouse
Still - Matt Nathanson
Can't Be Friends - Trey Songz
Unfortunate - Trey Songz
I Get Lonely Too - Drake

There is something else I love about Fall though, I love the feeling of "starting fresh"......for a lot of people, that comes in the Spring, but not for me. Think of that "back to school" feeling. I even have certain movies I always watch (You've Got Mail and Breakfast at Tiffany's) around this time.

I feel like I'm starting fresh this year, and I have a feeling that bittersweet feeling won't happen this year. I've got too much to look forward to with my *hopeful* future..... plus, I have somebody to talk to and make me smile (let's hope it stays that way, otherwise that'll be the fifth year in a row.....ha!).

It's been a while since I wrote, so I thought I'd try to get back into the swing of things, especially on the eve of my Facebook deactivation.

Black or White

" Protection for gangs, clubs, and nations. Causing grief in human relations. It's a turf war, on a global scale. I'd rather hear both sides of the tale. See, it's not about races, just places, faces. Where your blood comes from, that's where your space is. I've seen the bright get duller, I'm not gonna spend my life being a color." - LTB verse (Michael Jackson, Black or White)

**Disclaimer** - this Cherokee-Irish-German might offend some peeps with this post, but hey, it's my blog so I don't care. It's not my intent to offend, because anyone reading this is probably someone close to me, but I'm just saying how I feel ----- the beauty of freedom.

I sit here this evening outraged over the violence in Tulsa.......but not in the way you may think.

I say that because of the publicity we are getting over the shootings that occurred this past weekend. If you've been living under a rock: five random African Americans were shot (three died) in north Tulsa by a Native/European American and his friend. The main suspects significant other recently killed herself leaving him with their baby, and his father was killed two years ago in April (by an African American); however it was justifiable homicide because he was trying to rob the guy. I'm just providing you with a little background for his "motive."

This story is being referred to as a "hate crime" and has made national headlines on CNN, the LA Times, and other big names; much like the Trayvon Martin story we've all heard so much about. I will point out that Martin was suspended from school that week for drug possession. I'm not saying that to defend the suspect, heck no, but I'm just pointing it out because everyone keeps saying "innocent teen" and no, he wasn't. Did it give Zimmerman the right to kill him? Absolutely not. But nobody knows exactly what happened either. I do think the investigation for that case has been crappy.

But back to Tulsa.....

Big headlines: so much so that the Rev. Al Sharpton will be visiting.......yea, because that guy doesn't stir up nonsensical drama?!?

Hate crime? Maybe so....the guy had issues and clearly took them out the wrong way, on the wrong people.

BUT, excuse me.....

1. a hate crime is a black guy beating an elderly white couple and raping the elderly woman

2. a hate crime is 4 black teens breaking into a white couples home and shooting the man in the face, killing him

3. a hate crime is the near-daily black-on-black violence (drug/gang/domestic) that's happening here, that is progressively getting worse and more heinous

4. a hate crime is a white guy killing a white convenient store clerk

5. the white trash domestic abuse because you are too cracked out on meth to be real adults

I was utterly sickened by the first one there, still am. The second one pissed me off too. The others are the reason I don't feel safe when I'm out running, the reason I constantly wake up at night and have to go check all the windows with the gun in hand, the reason my house is lit up like Christmas at night.

But where the F are/were the national headlines for these stories? To me, that first one (the elderly couple) is equal to if not worse than what happened last weekend, but nope, no national news. Why? I could take a guess....and that guess is *race* but why are we letting that happen? Is it because it's just expected from the black community? If so, that's sad.

A year ago, Jerome Ersland (a white Oklahoma pharmacist) shot and killed a black teenager who was robbing his store. Surely this is justifiable homicide, right? Self defense, right? Nope....got convicted for it. Yep, that's our fabulous justice system ladies and gents.

Listen, I'm not racist. Lord knows I am not. Some of my family may be, and admittedly I used to be, but I'm not now. Believe me, I'll read a story on a news site and 80% of the comments are racially charged toward the black community and the ignorance of the comments makes me so angry. This is me venting about injustice....when is it enough? Why are we only crying out "hate" when it's white on black? Why haven't people been outraged all along? The crime in Tulsa has been bad for a while and is steadily getting worse. Why is it just now being noticed?

Ignorance is not bliss, and it's never going to get better with everyone blaming each other.

Sex Ain't Better Than Love

"I've done seen it all, done done it all. It's so much better when you fall." - Trey Songz

In honor of Valentine's day (the dumbest holiday ever, but that's another story...), I've decided to address a topic that has become quite common in today's world....a topic that, depending on which gender you ask, could be good or bad.

Casual sex, or maybe even "friends with benefits" if you will....

Sure, there is a difference between the two. One could be classified as a one-night stand, hooking up with some random person a few times, maybe even sleeping with somebody you date for a few weeks but it doesn't work out. The other may involve a good friend you've had for a while and you both happen to be lonely and need some companionship and affection; or maybe it's an ex that you just can't quite let go of yet.

I recently posted "Sex ain't better than love" as a status to see what kind of response I got. Here are some things people said:

"When you're old it is" - "Maybe not, but they go hand in hand" - "Nah, one is easy and the other is hard" - "It is if you ain't looking for love"

In other words, most people disagree. Also, most of those people were men.

First, just watch this video. He really says it best. I'm not addressing the Christian aspect of it tonight - just the sex part. But Christian/religious or not, this is how most women feel or have felt at some point. I don't care if they say any different, they are lying:

I can't speak for the men - okay, I can for most....most are selfish horn dogs who just don't get it - but for the few I know of that genuinely want more than a piece of ass, I applaud you.

I can speak for the women. Maybe not all women, but probably 90-95% of them. The fact is, even if a girl tells you she doesn't feel this way, she's most likely lying to you and herself and maybe just hasn't realized it yet.

Sex for men is most often mechanical. They have a need, they get turned on, they get off, they get back to work. It's "easy" for men to stay detached. Sex for women is emotional. They feel desired by a man - which they are - but in casual sex/FWB situations, they often mistake this for something more. That feeling they get turns to a need. So now they are longing to be desired by this man. They look forward to hearing from him, in fact, they wait almost pathetically to hear from him. So now the attachment starts to set in. Then they start to want more than a booty call from the guy. Then they want to know why he doesn't call until midnight to see them......do you see where I'm going? Eventually the woman ends up alone on her couch crying because she hasn't heard from him in a couple of weeks and she's wondering why she doesn't mean anything to him. He's probably out with someone else at this point honey, move on.....

Women can say that they are able to detach themselves enough so that they don't get hurt - they are mistaken. It has to do with the wiring and biology of the brain and chemical receptors and different types of hormones and a bunch of crap that I'm not going to try to explain.

The movies No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits both attacked the issue of "can you be friends and have sex but not get attached?" Well, the movies both answered the same way: no, you can't. On another note, both are great movies and hilarious - I recommend them. Even Wale addresses the topic in his own way: "we're way too young to know love, maybe not but we don't need no rush. Don't believe in love at first sight, but I believe in love at first f**k" - okay, it's a rap song so yes it cussed, sue me. Even there it's addressed that sex can make feelings change. It shouldn't be taken lightly.

Yet so many people do just that - take it lightly. They say they are just filling a "need" - okay, yes, I understand you have needs. Everyone does, it's natural. (again, it's usually men who use this argument). I really do think it has to do with the fact that they just don't understand what "filling that need" is doing to the girl they are having this interaction with.

Sex is not better than love.

With that said, sex when you are with somebody you love, somebody you are in a committed relationship with, may just be the best thing around. That was God's gift to couples (okay, married couples....but I was steering clear of that argument tonight). I would doubt anybody would argue with me here....but if you feel differently, please don't be shy.

"What makes you think you can get this girl, and then just get naughty. You should have to touch her heart and her mind first, before you can ever touch her body."

Heartbreak World

"In this heartbreak world, of 'just imagine,' with it's tired talk of better days. In this heartbreak world, where nothing matters. Come on lets make this dream that's barely half awake come true." - Matt Nathanson

This one is going to be so random, and not about anything in particular - just what I've got going on in my life right now........and part of the reason I'm writing it is so I can get it all down, visualize, and sort it out haha.

For those that don't know, my grandpa passed away 1/28/12. You can read the post I made about him last summer here: http://chinygirlharper.blogspot.com/2011/07/whatever-youre-doing.html - so that's part of the reason I haven't written anything lately. As for how I'm doing, I'm okay. But, it's sucked. I didn't take the best approach to dealing with it - I basically put myself in a coma every night - and while that made me sleep, it made me pretty sluggish all day long to the point where I've been pretty indifferent to pretty much everything. This went on for the whole week last week. I'm somebody who, if/when I get sad, it's at night time. So knowing this, I refused to allow myself to think about it come night time.....by using the coma method. I've been back at work the last few days and that seems to be fine - except when there is a cardiac arrest. I don't feel like dealing with them yet. And today there was a diabetic patient who had foot pain/poor blood flow - which grandpa had the last month or so - it was all I could do to not start crying right there. Plus I'm sad for my grandma. They were married 45 years. I can't imagine. And my mom. I don't even want to think about how I would feel if mom or dad passed. Ugh!!!

Aside from that, life is busy, but not too shabby. I absolutely LOVE my class! But, I have a 20 page paper due in exactly 1 month. Not just a paper though - a power point presentation and a meal to prepare (its a nutrition/culture class - my research is over Egypt). Eek!!! I better start working on it haha. Not to mention, I'm staying super busy with some fun things like friends, party preparations, concerts (Matt Nathanson and Drake!), VACATIONS (Cozumel and Vegas!). Sure, my work status is always up in the air - I'm a good employee, but our job role is slowly becoming obsolete - so I got that going for me....(sarcasm). Plus studying for the GRE in April and working on PA applications after I finish this damn paper. I'm starting to wonder why I need help sleeping sometimes. I'm exhausted just by reading this crap!

And I'm exhausted by writing it too. I think I'll stop now. I just worked my third 12 hour shift in a row. My bed is calling my name. :)

Toxic

"It's getting late, to give you up. I took a sip from my devil's cup. Slowly, it's taking over me." - Britney Spears

Yes, I did just quote Britney. Sue me. But in my defense, Toxic is the only song I own of hers. Though, when one of her tunes comes on GenX, I can't help but to sing and dance along. But I'm talking about the older stuff, not this new crap that Ke$ha helps write - yuck!

Anyways......

This week's Bible study might've been my favorite so far, despite the excruciating headache I had. There was a lot of laughter and a lot of good verses and discussion and all that jazz.

One of the discussions was over the things that we need to eliminate in our lives. Not just to better serve and follow our Lord, but to be better friends, to have healthier relationships, and just be there more for those we love. Getting rid of certain things would honestly make us more mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy....which in turn would make us happier and better to be around. So of course, we were asked what things we need to cut out.

There were a lot of answers that ranged from eating unhealthy things (don't know if I could EVER go there.....), deleting apps on phones, canceling Netflix/cable, working less, spending less time with friends and more with family. All very good answers and I'm sure most people could relate to at least one if not all.

My answer? Toxic people.

I'll preface this by saying that I am a very loyal person....a VERY LOYAL person. I mean, I've never cheated on a boyfriend (and for those of you who know my dating history - as far as I'm concerned, if I never called him my boyfriend and we never had a conversation about what we were, the fact that I dated someone else at the same time is not cheating....if I liked him enough, I didn't date anyone else, just fyi). I'm loyal to the point that I get ran over if I'm not careful. I get my feelings hurt, but forgive because I care about the person that hurt me. I'm the type of person that wants to believe that those who claim to love me and care about me would never screw me over. But as a beloved country song once said "as much as you burn me baby, I should be ashes by now." Still, I'm too loyal for my own good. Always have been. Probably always will be.

What is a toxic person? There are so many different kinds.

There are the negative people - a category that I know I've been guilty of falling in, but have been making an effort to change that. You know - the people that just can't find good in anything....always complaining, always finding something wrong. Always bitter. And for the record, when I'm in "bitter mode," I at least make it comical.

Another kind are the people who just wanna have fun. The party people. Yes, go ahead and say it.....I know what you are thinking already..... "umm, Cheyenne, don't you fall into this category too?" At one time, yes, I did. I had my "wild times," if you will. I drank more than I should have. Cussed more than I should have. I was going out 3-4 times per week. I didn't care about, well, anything really. It went on for a good 9 months probably before I realized how ridiculous it was. Don't get me wrong, the people in this category are not "bad people" (okay, some are, but not all). They are just living life and having a good time. And there is nothing wrong with that, to an extent. But as someone who is trying to serve God, it's not the ideal environment to be in. There's nothing wrong with going out occasionally......having a drink or two with some friends, laughing and dancing and having fun with friends. I still do every once in a while. But when it consumes your life, it might be time to reevaluate priorities.

There are the attention whores. The kind with the sexy/slutty/kissy/duck faced pics that are CONSTANTLY being posted. The ones who post something every hour (now, I'm guilty of this during award shows - sorry, but I gotta share my opinions!). Those who just start ridiculous stupid drama...those who thrive off of it!!! The annoying and excessively tacky/inappropriate ones. Those who want the world to know every detail of their problems. Ugh!!! Fix yourself or shut up! I have no respect for someone who is capable of helping themselves and making their life better but refuse to do so.

Lastly, there are the hurtful ones. The ones who might've been good to you at some point which is why they are in your life in the first place, but ultimately........they just hurt you. Maybe it's a deep wound or maybe it's just hateful words that they say and then say "just kidding" - but you can only kid so much. The selfish people who don't care about your feelings, just their own. That keep apologizing over and over for the same thing, but keep doing that thing.

I know people in all categories. And slowly, they are going bye-bye. I may be close to some, and not so close to some. But either way, I don't want them around anymore.

So I'm deleting them out of my life. Off my "friends" list - I know, it's childish to delete people - but sometimes you just don't want to be reminded.....plus, it makes it too tempting to fall back into that toxic-ness again. Numbers are being deleted out of the phone, so that I'm not tempted to call or text just to see how they are - again, too tempting.

So if you take one thing away from this, I hope it's a lesson on how not to be a toxic person - haha!

What is something you need to eliminate from your life?

And just for your entertainment:

Fancy

"Time heals all, and heels hurt to walk in. But they go with the clutch that you carry your lipgloss in. And look, I really think nobody does it better, I love the way that you put it together." - Drake

Style....fashion.....a closet full of nothing to wear.

If you are like me, you know what I mean. I want to have my own personal style, I want to be fashionable, and every time I'm faced with dressing up, I can't find anything I want to wear.

First - this really shouldn't be a problem since 3-4 days of the weeks I only wear scrubs and pajamas. But yet, I still feel like I might as well be naked due to lack of options.

I recycle outfits. I'll wear the same thing 2-3 days given it stayed clean and nobody that I will see that day saw me in it the day before. Sad, I know. But I'm lazy when it comes to picking out something new.

Lazy, that is, until I start cleaning out the closet and start getting inspired by all the different clothes I find that I forgot I had - suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with options and ideas. I want to pull a Cher (Clueless) and take polaroids of all my outfits!

I did this last week, and I had an epiphany! I could probably make a new outfit from just the clothes/shoes/accessories I have every day, and not wear the same outfit twice in a six month period, maybe even a year. Yes, that's right - I have THAT many clothes. And I really don't have that many compared to a lot of people I know. Plus, I'm donating a big chunk of it all next week!

Now, here is the challenge I'm extending to anyone brave enough to accept it..............................

Don't buy any new clothes for the rest of the year.

Did everyone *gasp*, did you say "she's crazy?" Did you??? I probably would too if I were you. But let's dive into this a little more, shall we?

First of all, what is "necessity" anyways? Please tell me, because I'm pretty sure I rarely NEED anything I ever buy. I'm as guilty as the next girl - *ahem* I "needed" a new dress to go out in while in NYC - because heaven knows, those people might've seen my old clothes before, right? WRONG! I get it, new clothes and shoes and bras and makeup and bags and blah blah blah make us feel pretty, make us feel special and unique, and frankly, make us feel refreshed. I'm guilty too.

This challenge is to make you get creative with what you've got - make a new outfit out of that dress and those tights and those boots.....then where the same dress with some heels or flats and a big beady necklace next week. Use imagination!

But more than that, it will help you save some $$$, and who doesn't need to do that? I know I do - there are other things I want more than clothes so I have to make sacrifices right now. This is coming from the girl who spent about $200 on new stuff from Express just a couple months ago. Hello, my name is Cheyenne, and I have a problem.

Now, with that said, there are a couple of exceptions and loopholes -

1. undies and socks don't count - they just don't. Socks get holes and get dingy and undies, well, they just don't count.

2. you can buy 1 new "needed" clothing/shoe item per month. I decided to make this rule because to be honest, there are two shoe items I do "need" - I need a pair of waterproof sandal type shoes for Mexico because I don't have any, and I "need" a certain type of boots because I don't have anything close to them and nearly half of the outfit ideas I have in my head require them.

**However*** when you buy this new thing, you have to throw something else out. This helps keep you in the "do I really need/want this?" mentality and helps save room.

3. Gift cards are a loophole - what you can buy with a gift card does not count because it's not your money, and let's face it, you can't waste it! BUT, I would encourage you to buy at least one thing for someone else with your gift card, because honestly, it's just nice and thoughtful.

I'll be posting pics of outfit variations I come up with here and there, so you can see what I'm thinking. Hopefully it'll give others some ideas too!

So, do you think you are up for it? Do you think you are strong enough? I know I am! I have too much. I'm trying to get down to a minimalist lifestyle anyways. It's going to be a long road, but I'm excited to try this out!

Soft Skeletons

"How can you expect to win this war, if your too afraid to fight?" - Anberlin

At Bible study this week, we discussed "resolutions" in honor of the New Year. We were each given a note card and told to write down 1 word that represented what we wanted to work on this year. For example, one girl said her word was "purpose" because last year she was scatterbrained and flew through the year with nothing really special to look back on at the end of it. I know the feeling honey!

Courage.

My word was courage. It's so broad, I know. That's why I picked it. I wanted a word that I could use to cover a multitude of things.

Then we had to go through and pick a few verses about our word. I found one that is one of my new favorites. I've heard the verse a million times, but because I now have a "word" and a goal, the verse takes on a new meaning. It was like I've never heard it before.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

Powerful stuff huh?

I mean, it's like 4 goals in 1 verse if you think about it. Heaven knows I've been weak and am working on being stronger. I've let my guard down. I've lacked faith at times. I've been a coward at times.

But I'm working on courage. Courage to try new things, do crazy things. Courage to date again. Courage to stand up for what I believe in, courage to stand up to what I think is right. Courage to work hard and fight for what I want.

Time will tell I guess.

"Do everything in love." 1 Corinthians 16:14

Those 2 verses put together are like ka-pow! Something always important to remember every day.

What would be your word?

Real

"the biggest chance that we can take, is open arms and wide awake." - Goo Goo Dolls

Happy New Year!!!

Last January 1st I said "I am going to make this a good year" - well, it wasn't. So I won't say that this year. I will say that I'm going to find some good in every day and focus on that. Hopefully by the end of the year - or December 21st when it all ends - I can look back and say "this was a great year." Fingers crossed.

I made no real "resolutions" - I have a few goals I hope to work on/towards and that's it. Keeping it simple and realistic.

Anyways, on to the real reason you are tuned in right now.....the continuation of my dating adventure.

Well, I wasted no time. I had a date today - a very interesting/unusual one. I did the Polar Bear Plunge. That's basically where you run (or in my case - walk - ) 2 miles and the last I'd say half mile or so, you jump into 3 different swimming pools and run some more to the finish line. These pools are not heated...in fact.....they put ice in them. The were literally freezing. Maybe 35 degrees tops. I thought I was going to pass out, no joke. The last pool provides you with beer and medals......at the bottom of the pool of course. My date was nice enough to get my medal so I didn't have to go under because that really would've been the end of it. But as crazy as it is, it was really a lot of fun.

So, now for what I'm looking for, in case you might know someone who fits the bill. Let me start this with a disclaimer - I plan to be as politically correct yet honest as I can be here - I hope nobody is offended over anything I say.

The first and most important thing is religion. "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" - 2 Corinthians 6:14. The Bible makes it very clear to be in relationships with other believers. I'm not picky about denominations or anything, just need a man who believes in God, prays, and does his best to live a good life. I'm not perfect, I slip a lot, but I just need someone who knows and shares what I'm about.

There is the general stuff: a job is key. That's just how it is. I have one, you should too. I have a car and insurance, you should too. Housing I'm not too particular about, as long as you have one (or apartment obviously). Now, if you live with your parents, well - I lived with mine until I was 24 so I would just have to hear the circumstances. I can work with it depending on what it is. Also, intelligence/common sense is always needed. I don't need a brain surgeon, but someone I can actually have an interesting conversation with and not feel bored is a great start. A sense of humor (that one is important - those who understand/speak sarcasm are probably the best in that category). I like to laugh.

Now this isn't a requirement, but someone in the medical field or someone who has some knowledge of that area is a big bonus. Just because that's what I know, live, breathe pretty much. It's nice to have someone who knows what I'm talking about, someone who could teach me something etc.

I don't have "a type" when it comes to physical attraction - I once dated a guy that I thought was "my type." He was like 6' 4" dark brown hair, tan, gorgeous. Worked out. Great dresser. Had a great job. Pretty much perfect on paper......he was a douche. That was when I decided I didn't have a type and I had to be more open minded.

The fact is, I have found myself attracted to all different types of men.

Now, red-heads are not my favorite - blame my first real boyfriend for that. For one, I'm just not generally attracted to them. Now, if it's a red/brown, I can maybe work with it. But no Carrot Tops please.

Be healthy - I am by no means "perfect" but I try to take care of myself and have been trying to improve a lot the last month or so - I don't mean you have to work out everyday and eat only organic foods - I eat junk a lot because it's yummy and I don't care. But have good hygiene and take care of yourself. If you are heavy and just sit around all day, I'm not interested. But if you are heavy and are seriously making changes to be more healthy, I can work with it. If you are skin and bones and don't attempt to get some muscles, I'm not interested. Don't need a muscle man, but need someone who could protect me haha. Basically, someone who works out at least a couple days a week like I do is a good start.

Height is another issue. It used to be a HUGE issue for me but I've mellowed out more over the years. I still prefer a guy to be at least my height (5' 8") or couple inches taller because I do sometimes where heels and I don't like that "I'm taller than him" feeling. It's just a self-conscious thing for me. Sorry.

I plan to date around. I'm not looking for a relationship right away, just looking to meet new people, have fun, and see where it goes. I'll just be honest, I'll probably date more than one guy at a time.

With that said, I will not be having sex. If something leads to a relationship then we'll cross that bridge at that time. I just wanted to be clear about this in case somebody is looking for that, they won't find it here. Or in case one guy is worried that while I'm dating him, I'm sleeping with another guy. No, I don't do that. Thanks.

That's about it. Feel free to message me with any questions, I think I covered it all though.