Heartbreak World

"In this heartbreak world, of 'just imagine,' with it's tired talk of better days. In this heartbreak world, where nothing matters. Come on lets make this dream that's barely half awake come true." - Matt Nathanson

This one is going to be so random, and not about anything in particular - just what I've got going on in my life right now........and part of the reason I'm writing it is so I can get it all down, visualize, and sort it out haha.

For those that don't know, my grandpa passed away 1/28/12. You can read the post I made about him last summer here: http://chinygirlharper.blogspot.com/2011/07/whatever-youre-doing.html - so that's part of the reason I haven't written anything lately. As for how I'm doing, I'm okay. But, it's sucked. I didn't take the best approach to dealing with it - I basically put myself in a coma every night - and while that made me sleep, it made me pretty sluggish all day long to the point where I've been pretty indifferent to pretty much everything. This went on for the whole week last week. I'm somebody who, if/when I get sad, it's at night time. So knowing this, I refused to allow myself to think about it come night time.....by using the coma method. I've been back at work the last few days and that seems to be fine - except when there is a cardiac arrest. I don't feel like dealing with them yet. And today there was a diabetic patient who had foot pain/poor blood flow - which grandpa had the last month or so - it was all I could do to not start crying right there. Plus I'm sad for my grandma. They were married 45 years. I can't imagine. And my mom. I don't even want to think about how I would feel if mom or dad passed. Ugh!!!

Aside from that, life is busy, but not too shabby. I absolutely LOVE my class! But, I have a 20 page paper due in exactly 1 month. Not just a paper though - a power point presentation and a meal to prepare (its a nutrition/culture class - my research is over Egypt). Eek!!! I better start working on it haha. Not to mention, I'm staying super busy with some fun things like friends, party preparations, concerts (Matt Nathanson and Drake!), VACATIONS (Cozumel and Vegas!). Sure, my work status is always up in the air - I'm a good employee, but our job role is slowly becoming obsolete - so I got that going for me....(sarcasm). Plus studying for the GRE in April and working on PA applications after I finish this damn paper. I'm starting to wonder why I need help sleeping sometimes. I'm exhausted just by reading this crap!

And I'm exhausted by writing it too. I think I'll stop now. I just worked my third 12 hour shift in a row. My bed is calling my name. :)