"The quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips" - Sophia Loren
"I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water. Need to grow older with a [boy] like you. Finally see, you were naturally, the one to make it so easy when you showed me the truth. I'd rather be with you. Say you want the same thing too." - Joshua Radin
For years, my primary hobby has been sleeping. May sound a little sad or something, but what can I say? I'm great at it! I guess the other primary hobby I have is listening to music....it's rare for me to have silence in the background of my life. But then I love to dance, so I guess that's a pretty legitimate pastime. :)
But for more tangible activities, it's hard for me to pinpoint a specific one. Does going on long walks (with music!) count? Hmmm......I love to doodle and paint. Pastels. Oils. Colored pencils. Pen and ink. I love art in general. I have thousands of beads for making jewelry because I used to be really into it but don't have the time for it anymore. I guess blogging is a hobby? Lord knows I LOVE to write. Ever received a genuine e-mail from me? Exactly!!! Food is a biggie. I have hundreds of recipes but just being one person on a tight budget, I don't want to buy all the ingredients to cook something I probably can't finish off haha. So many desserts I'm dying to try......maybe someday when I have a larger household, and larger house in general lol. Wait, I got one.....READING. Love to read! Books, magazines, online medical journals....love it all! The pictures in the slideshow above were all taken and edited by me. No professional experience but I love photography as pastime. I've never taken any classes but I really want to. On that note, I guess I can put school as another one. I love to learn. Actually go to class, research, write papers; I'm a freak, I know....
I've probably bored you to tears with this random post today. It stems from somebody telling me recently to "get a hobby".....or maybe I told someone that? Either way, it got me thinking about how I spend my time and what my passions are.
This is what the world is for, making electricity..... - MGMT
Jim Halpert.
If you do not know that name, then I feel very sorry for you. But here's just a little preview of this character I'm referring to:
Funny, cute, smart.....pretty much the total package. Honestly though, that may just be John Krasinski in general because in a lot of his work, his roles are somewhat similar to this character so maybe that's just the way he is?
(promoting this movie - Something Borrowed - it's cute. Not as good as the book but a good romantic comedy - for girls of course)
ANYWAYS, getting to my point, I promise....
There is something about Jim Halpert's character that I'm just in love with. The way I see it, there are two types of men in this world: the Jim Halperts and everyone else. I would say, about 80-90% of men fall into the "everyone else" category. They are obnoxious, arrogant, know-it-alls, cheaters, liars and so on. Then there are the Jim Halperts.......such a small percentage. It's sad really.
I have a habit of watching tv shows over and over and The Office is included in that mix. The more I watch it, the more I love Jim. He's a romantic, but in a subtle way. Not super mushy gushy which for me is a turn off. Clearly has a strong case of sarcasm (love!!!) and a lot of humor. And for the record, I am aware that I am blogging about a fake character....I just feel that if guys took a few notes from these awesome characters that Hollywood is so good at writing about, maybe there'd be more happy women in the world....then again, the women would have to wake up and see what's good for them - and we all know that ain't gonna happen!
So the question is: do you know any Jims? I'm curious to know if the percentage I have in my head is on point.....I think it is, but if it's higher, I'd love to be proved wrong.
I do know one. Maybe two. That's it. It's disheartening.....
On another note: this is one of my most favorite songs. So fun to dance to. I highly encourage you to watch this video because it's hilarious. I've never been on an acid trip, but I assume it's very similar to this....ENJOY!
As most of you probably know, I don't have many cable channels; maybe twenty. I did that for a few reasons. 1) I couldn't really afford the regular package because of all the other bills I had when I moved into this home. I can now, but have never gotten around to changing it. 2) I did not want to be tempted to sit around and watch E! and TLC and yes, I'll admit it, Lifetime with their horrid made-for-tv movies on lazy weekends. I told myself that I could fill my time with better things. But I miss it, so I may give in and upgrade soon....I'll keep you posted.
Anyways...the reason for that little intro....
I went to lay out at the pool today but the clouds prevented that, so I became wrapped up watching CNN/HLN which featured the Casey Anthony trial. I've been following it online but it's very enrapturing to actually watch what's going on in the courtroom.
She did it.
I don't care what anyone says - I know most agree with me - her actions at that time were just absurd. And now they are claiming that Caylee drowned and Casey panicked and hid her. I'm sorry....you panicked? If my kid drowned, I'd be calling 911 trying to save her. I'd rather be charged with negligence than murder. I don't buy the drowning story. Nope.
If I were an attorney, I couldn't have taken her case. Morally, I mean. She acts that way, waits 31 days to report her daughter missing....how do you even begin to defend that? I know I know, I shouldn't be questioning somebody's morals. It's just confusing to me.
But, I'm not an attorney, or the judge, or the jury. I'm not there. I can't really say anything else on it.
But I can say this: some people do not deserve children. Many people do not deserve children. If you know me, you know I've never been big on the concept of kids. There are many reasons for this that I'll get into some other time. Do I think about it sometimes now? Yes, I do. Especially adoption. But, let's focus on finding a husband first, then we'll deal with that whole kids thing later. Let's get back on track here....
The fact is, if I did have kids, I would love them like there was no tomorrow. Maybe I'm crazy for thinking this, but if you don't want kids, don't have them? Silly me! If you have them and don't want to raise them, how about you don't kill/abuse them? Genius! It sickens me. Granted, I find myself uneasy around most children; but, I also think they are the most precious in the world, aside from puppies of course. How could you hurt them (kids and puppies alike!)? Why would you want to?
"I am a troubled mind, I am a calloused heart. A failing engine from driving way too hard. I was trying way too hard. I pulled a 38 out of my bleeding heart. I killed my selfishness for bringing me this far....this far away from you." - NeedtoBreathe
I just have 3 words:
The tri-blend tee.
Well, I guess it's more of a 4 word hyphenate.
If you know me, or have met me at least once, than you know I LOVE these shirts....if there is a word bigger than 'love', I may feel it for these shirts. I live in them. They don't shrink, they are sooooooo soft, and just fit perfectly. They can be dressed up or dressed down. I've worn them to sleep in, to run in, and have even worn them with heels and sparkly jewelry. I first discovered these shirts while in Baltimore at the Johns Hopkins Barnes and Noble. It was my last week there and I needed to buy some souvenirs. I came across this shirt that was gray and had the word "Hopkins" across the front in navy blue outline in white. This shirt was so soft, I told myself that it was worth the $22 because it was a souvenir for myself. Little did I know, an addiction was manifesting within me.
True story: next thing I know, I've bought an OU one....then another OU one. Then when asked if there was anything I wanted for Christmas, I said "tri-blend t-shirts". No lie. The reason I asked for them as a gift? THEY ARE EXPENSIVE! The 2 OU shirts were at least $20 a piece but I talked myself into them because they were OU and I'd have them forever! A pack of solid colored ones from American Apparel is about $60......Now, if you don't know, let me just tell you - I do NOT spend ridiculous money on clothes. If a shirt or a dress is more than $10 or $15, I put it back. People who waste money are crazy in my opinion - so I got 3 shirts for Christmas. But wait, there's more! Then they came out with V-neck cuts! Wait, what?!?!?! I LOVE V-necks!! Not to mention, they had a purple one! Well next thing I know, I've purchased a 3 pack - don't judge me - it was on sale for $50.......I know, I'm shaking my head too.
So here is the problem. The only place I can find them is American Apparel and they cost too much. I can find tons of athletic ones and collegiate ones at various stores, but I have enough of those. I need a nice $5 tri-blend tee.....is that too much for a girl to ask?
"So put on your best boys, and I'll where my pearls. What I never did is done." - The Band Perry
Okay - I need to vent. No, not vent. I just need to say a few things. And I pray that if you have teens/young adults or know of any that this may apply to, that you share with them.
Let's face it - times have changed since our parents were teenagers or even our age for that matter. But I remember vividly what it was like as a teenager and the few years after that where I thought I knew it all. I'm not saying I do now, but I certainly know more than I did.
Now, don't get me wrong. I believe there are just some things you need to figure out for yourself; maybe it'll be a mistake and maybe not. Honestly, I couldn't be writing this if I hadn't been there, done that.....But, "learning for yourself" is no excuse to be downright stupid. So.....
DEPRESSION: I struggled with some depression and suicidal ideations in middle school. Not to the point I ever came close to doing it, but enough that I cried a lot and thought about it in my head often. Not even so much the "act" but just "would anyone miss me?" I switched schools in middle school and had trouble with the new friends, or lack thereof. My sister had moved out and basically disappeared, the divorce was still fresh with lots of fighting, especially over money and softball. I had fallen behind due to transferring from public school to private school and the curriculum was far more advanced. I was not neglected or abused, but it hurt - whatever was going on was hurting me. And of course, I kept all this bottled up inside. Didn't even tell my family these feelings until just a few years ago. So what kept me going? My faith and knowing that I had people that did love me, even if it was only a small few; my family. Some people just suck - your peers are mean, especially at those younger "bullying" ages of 11-13ish.....
BODY IMAGE: I don't know many women that are completely satisfied with their bodies so this one is tricky. I struggled in high school, especially Junior and Senior year with my body. And not even just my body, but my awkwardness in general. My hair was frizzy, I had some acne, I didn't know how to wear makeup etc etc. My best friends were these teeny tiny things that always looked good (in my opinion anyways) and it was hard to be next to them. My bangs....oh dear the bangs! Shaking My Head!!! I was one of the taller girls in class which made me insecure because I felt like this huge amazon. I'd like to say I went off to college and suddenly transformed into this skinny model-like perfect thing.....ummm, no. The freshman fifteen? More like the freshman 20-25! Stretch marks? Had them since I was 12 or so from growing 6/7 inches in a year. My skin couldn't keep up with my body and unfortunately I still have those lovely little reminders to this day. But you know what I've come to find out? Do you know who cares about all of these "flaws" I have? Yep, just me. Nobody else. The only one this all matters to is me. The crazier part? The guys (well, most of them) find me attractive....some have even used the terms 'gorgeous' and 'beautiful'. A couple even said 'the perfect body'.....okay, I think that's all stretching it just a bit, but it does make you feel good. It does make you feel a little more confident and care a little less about what others think.....now, with all that said, when I was younger, no guy ever said any of those things to me. I never felt beautiful; not even at prom, when you are supposed to feel beautiful. And it sucked. A lot. Eventually you just grow up and "come into your own" and gain confidence in yourself......
LOVE & SEX: And here we go.....first, teenage/young love exists primarily in the movies. I know of very few cases that have succeeded in real life. The Notebook did not happen, but Juno did. You are NOT "in love" you ARE "in lust." Trust me, I know. Granted, I was not 14 or even 19 years old; nope, I was 21. My thought process? "I'm in my twenties....I'm much smarter than some dumb teenager. I know what love is. And he really loves me." Negative ghost rider. So wrong. The sad thing I learned from that particular relationship? A 26 year-old "man" can be as bad as a 17 year-old boy, if not worse. Teenagers a so stupid when it comes to sex/love. You don't even know who you are or what you want, how can you know who someone else is?!?!?!? Hell, I'm just now learning who I really am and what I really want and believe. There is a huge world to see and tons to learn before you go jumping into "love" and bed with someone.
So with all that said, here are my words of wisdom. It gets better. Life gets so much better after high school. And even after college. It all may suck at the time but you gotta just push through it. You figure out what friendship is and what you want in life and what you deserve from the opposite sex. You learn who to trust. But, I'm not naive; I know kids say "You don't know. You're old. This is different. This person is different. You've never been in love like we are. Parent just don't understand....blah blah blah" - so I'll say this: for the love of Pete, be smart about it! If nothing else, get on some birth control and use a freaking condom! Don't make an innocent baby pay for your stupidity and don't get an incurable disease that will cause you to become sterile, preventing you from having kids in the future when you are truly ready; actually, that might not be a bad idea - if you are dumb enough to have unprotected sex, not sure I want you reproducing. But no matter what the situation is: just pray. Have faith in God's promises. Seek advice. Just be smart. The end.
Watch this video....it's truly amazing and brings me to tears every time, but in a good way - there is nothing God can't protect us from. We are forgiven and delivered from evil.
"Seems like nothing is black and white anymore, shades of gray and I feel the weight over my shoulder. It's tough getting older. I always thought that I knew where I'd wanna go, but now I find that I'm still getting colder. It's kinda tough getting older." - Colbie Caillat
That song is such a fitting song for me in my life right now.
I am not a black & white person. I never have been and probably never will be. I mean, yes, of course there are some things that are obviously right and wrong, cut and dry, blah blah blah; but there are so many things that I am able to see both sides on - this is one reason why I have always HATED having to make difficult decisions. My kind of "gray" people are probably very frustrating to the "black & white" people because we probably seem like we can't choose, always wandering down the middle of the road. Maybe that's why I hate politics; for me, it always "depends on the issue being discussed" as to whether I support the Dems or the Reps. To some, I'm considered indecisive....but I say I have a brain and common sense....enough about politics though (I tend to go on random tangents from time to time).
I have been faced with many tough decisions lately; naturally, I can argue both sides and ultimately I am more confused than ever. Again, it "depends" on what the issue is as to whether there may or may not be a right/wrong choice. One example: my professional future. All my life, I was going to be a doctor - except for a brief two years that I was going to be a nurse and then quickly changed my mind back - that's all I've worked for. But, lately I've been faced with a different opportunity that may be more fitting for me but I just don't know. The problem? I feel like I could be just fine doing either one of them. I won't use the term "happy" to describe how I'd feel in one of these careers because I've realized that I'll need more than a career to make me happy. It will depend on what else is happening in my life. But I will say that either choice would be a smart choice and that I think I would wake up and want to go to work in the morning regardless. So at this point, it's in God's hands because I just don't know. And if you know me, you know that I can't stand to not know, to not have answers. Doesn't so much matter what the answer is, I just need one.
On that note, there really is that one verse that I just have to lean on right now...you know the one I'm talking about :) .....
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
I guess that's all for today. I'll save my other issues, like my love life, for another day. Have a blessed week!
