In honor of Valentine's day (the dumbest holiday ever, but that's another story...), I've decided to address a topic that has become quite common in today's world....a topic that, depending on which gender you ask, could be good or bad.
Casual sex, or maybe even "friends with benefits" if you will....
Sure, there is a difference between the two. One could be classified as a one-night stand, hooking up with some random person a few times, maybe even sleeping with somebody you date for a few weeks but it doesn't work out. The other may involve a good friend you've had for a while and you both happen to be lonely and need some companionship and affection; or maybe it's an ex that you just can't quite let go of yet.
I recently posted "Sex ain't better than love" as a status to see what kind of response I got. Here are some things people said:
"When you're old it is" - "Maybe not, but they go hand in hand" - "Nah, one is easy and the other is hard" - "It is if you ain't looking for love"
In other words, most people disagree. Also, most of those people were men.
First, just watch this video. He really says it best. I'm not addressing the Christian aspect of it tonight - just the sex part. But Christian/religious or not, this is how most women feel or have felt at some point. I don't care if they say any different, they are lying:
I can't speak for the men - okay, I can for most....most are selfish horn dogs who just don't get it - but for the few I know of that genuinely want more than a piece of ass, I applaud you.
I can speak for the women. Maybe not all women, but probably 90-95% of them. The fact is, even if a girl tells you she doesn't feel this way, she's most likely lying to you and herself and maybe just hasn't realized it yet.
Sex for men is most often mechanical. They have a need, they get turned on, they get off, they get back to work. It's "easy" for men to stay detached. Sex for women is emotional. They feel desired by a man - which they are - but in casual sex/FWB situations, they often mistake this for something more. That feeling they get turns to a need. So now they are longing to be desired by this man. They look forward to hearing from him, in fact, they wait almost pathetically to hear from him. So now the attachment starts to set in. Then they start to want more than a booty call from the guy. Then they want to know why he doesn't call until midnight to see them......do you see where I'm going? Eventually the woman ends up alone on her couch crying because she hasn't heard from him in a couple of weeks and she's wondering why she doesn't mean anything to him. He's probably out with someone else at this point honey, move on.....
Women can say that they are able to detach themselves enough so that they don't get hurt - they are mistaken. It has to do with the wiring and biology of the brain and chemical receptors and different types of hormones and a bunch of crap that I'm not going to try to explain.
The movies No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits both attacked the issue of "can you be friends and have sex but not get attached?" Well, the movies both answered the same way: no, you can't. On another note, both are great movies and hilarious - I recommend them. Even Wale addresses the topic in his own way: "we're way too young to know love, maybe not but we don't need no rush. Don't believe in love at first sight, but I believe in love at first f**k" - okay, it's a rap song so yes it cussed, sue me. Even there it's addressed that sex can make feelings change. It shouldn't be taken lightly.
Yet so many people do just that - take it lightly. They say they are just filling a "need" - okay, yes, I understand you have needs. Everyone does, it's natural. (again, it's usually men who use this argument). I really do think it has to do with the fact that they just don't understand what "filling that need" is doing to the girl they are having this interaction with.
Sex is not better than love.
With that said, sex when you are with somebody you love, somebody you are in a committed relationship with, may just be the best thing around. That was God's gift to couples (okay, married couples....but I was steering clear of that argument tonight). I would doubt anybody would argue with me here....but if you feel differently, please don't be shy.
"What makes you think you can get this girl, and then just get naughty. You should have to touch her heart and her mind first, before you can ever touch her body."
