Toxic

"It's getting late, to give you up. I took a sip from my devil's cup. Slowly, it's taking over me." - Britney Spears

Yes, I did just quote Britney. Sue me. But in my defense, Toxic is the only song I own of hers. Though, when one of her tunes comes on GenX, I can't help but to sing and dance along. But I'm talking about the older stuff, not this new crap that Ke$ha helps write - yuck!

Anyways......

This week's Bible study might've been my favorite so far, despite the excruciating headache I had. There was a lot of laughter and a lot of good verses and discussion and all that jazz.

One of the discussions was over the things that we need to eliminate in our lives. Not just to better serve and follow our Lord, but to be better friends, to have healthier relationships, and just be there more for those we love. Getting rid of certain things would honestly make us more mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy....which in turn would make us happier and better to be around. So of course, we were asked what things we need to cut out.

There were a lot of answers that ranged from eating unhealthy things (don't know if I could EVER go there.....), deleting apps on phones, canceling Netflix/cable, working less, spending less time with friends and more with family. All very good answers and I'm sure most people could relate to at least one if not all.

My answer? Toxic people.

I'll preface this by saying that I am a very loyal person....a VERY LOYAL person. I mean, I've never cheated on a boyfriend (and for those of you who know my dating history - as far as I'm concerned, if I never called him my boyfriend and we never had a conversation about what we were, the fact that I dated someone else at the same time is not cheating....if I liked him enough, I didn't date anyone else, just fyi). I'm loyal to the point that I get ran over if I'm not careful. I get my feelings hurt, but forgive because I care about the person that hurt me. I'm the type of person that wants to believe that those who claim to love me and care about me would never screw me over. But as a beloved country song once said "as much as you burn me baby, I should be ashes by now." Still, I'm too loyal for my own good. Always have been. Probably always will be.

What is a toxic person? There are so many different kinds.

There are the negative people - a category that I know I've been guilty of falling in, but have been making an effort to change that. You know - the people that just can't find good in anything....always complaining, always finding something wrong. Always bitter. And for the record, when I'm in "bitter mode," I at least make it comical.

Another kind are the people who just wanna have fun. The party people. Yes, go ahead and say it.....I know what you are thinking already..... "umm, Cheyenne, don't you fall into this category too?" At one time, yes, I did. I had my "wild times," if you will. I drank more than I should have. Cussed more than I should have. I was going out 3-4 times per week. I didn't care about, well, anything really. It went on for a good 9 months probably before I realized how ridiculous it was. Don't get me wrong, the people in this category are not "bad people" (okay, some are, but not all). They are just living life and having a good time. And there is nothing wrong with that, to an extent. But as someone who is trying to serve God, it's not the ideal environment to be in. There's nothing wrong with going out occasionally......having a drink or two with some friends, laughing and dancing and having fun with friends. I still do every once in a while. But when it consumes your life, it might be time to reevaluate priorities.

There are the attention whores. The kind with the sexy/slutty/kissy/duck faced pics that are CONSTANTLY being posted. The ones who post something every hour (now, I'm guilty of this during award shows - sorry, but I gotta share my opinions!). Those who just start ridiculous stupid drama...those who thrive off of it!!! The annoying and excessively tacky/inappropriate ones. Those who want the world to know every detail of their problems. Ugh!!! Fix yourself or shut up! I have no respect for someone who is capable of helping themselves and making their life better but refuse to do so.

Lastly, there are the hurtful ones. The ones who might've been good to you at some point which is why they are in your life in the first place, but ultimately........they just hurt you. Maybe it's a deep wound or maybe it's just hateful words that they say and then say "just kidding" - but you can only kid so much. The selfish people who don't care about your feelings, just their own. That keep apologizing over and over for the same thing, but keep doing that thing.

I know people in all categories. And slowly, they are going bye-bye. I may be close to some, and not so close to some. But either way, I don't want them around anymore.

So I'm deleting them out of my life. Off my "friends" list - I know, it's childish to delete people - but sometimes you just don't want to be reminded.....plus, it makes it too tempting to fall back into that toxic-ness again. Numbers are being deleted out of the phone, so that I'm not tempted to call or text just to see how they are - again, too tempting.

So if you take one thing away from this, I hope it's a lesson on how not to be a toxic person - haha!

What is something you need to eliminate from your life?

And just for your entertainment:

Fancy

"Time heals all, and heels hurt to walk in. But they go with the clutch that you carry your lipgloss in. And look, I really think nobody does it better, I love the way that you put it together." - Drake

Style....fashion.....a closet full of nothing to wear.

If you are like me, you know what I mean. I want to have my own personal style, I want to be fashionable, and every time I'm faced with dressing up, I can't find anything I want to wear.

First - this really shouldn't be a problem since 3-4 days of the weeks I only wear scrubs and pajamas. But yet, I still feel like I might as well be naked due to lack of options.

I recycle outfits. I'll wear the same thing 2-3 days given it stayed clean and nobody that I will see that day saw me in it the day before. Sad, I know. But I'm lazy when it comes to picking out something new.

Lazy, that is, until I start cleaning out the closet and start getting inspired by all the different clothes I find that I forgot I had - suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with options and ideas. I want to pull a Cher (Clueless) and take polaroids of all my outfits!

I did this last week, and I had an epiphany! I could probably make a new outfit from just the clothes/shoes/accessories I have every day, and not wear the same outfit twice in a six month period, maybe even a year. Yes, that's right - I have THAT many clothes. And I really don't have that many compared to a lot of people I know. Plus, I'm donating a big chunk of it all next week!

Now, here is the challenge I'm extending to anyone brave enough to accept it..............................

Don't buy any new clothes for the rest of the year.

Did everyone *gasp*, did you say "she's crazy?" Did you??? I probably would too if I were you. But let's dive into this a little more, shall we?

First of all, what is "necessity" anyways? Please tell me, because I'm pretty sure I rarely NEED anything I ever buy. I'm as guilty as the next girl - *ahem* I "needed" a new dress to go out in while in NYC - because heaven knows, those people might've seen my old clothes before, right? WRONG! I get it, new clothes and shoes and bras and makeup and bags and blah blah blah make us feel pretty, make us feel special and unique, and frankly, make us feel refreshed. I'm guilty too.

This challenge is to make you get creative with what you've got - make a new outfit out of that dress and those tights and those boots.....then where the same dress with some heels or flats and a big beady necklace next week. Use imagination!

But more than that, it will help you save some $$$, and who doesn't need to do that? I know I do - there are other things I want more than clothes so I have to make sacrifices right now. This is coming from the girl who spent about $200 on new stuff from Express just a couple months ago. Hello, my name is Cheyenne, and I have a problem.

Now, with that said, there are a couple of exceptions and loopholes -

1. undies and socks don't count - they just don't. Socks get holes and get dingy and undies, well, they just don't count.

2. you can buy 1 new "needed" clothing/shoe item per month. I decided to make this rule because to be honest, there are two shoe items I do "need" - I need a pair of waterproof sandal type shoes for Mexico because I don't have any, and I "need" a certain type of boots because I don't have anything close to them and nearly half of the outfit ideas I have in my head require them.

**However*** when you buy this new thing, you have to throw something else out. This helps keep you in the "do I really need/want this?" mentality and helps save room.

3. Gift cards are a loophole - what you can buy with a gift card does not count because it's not your money, and let's face it, you can't waste it! BUT, I would encourage you to buy at least one thing for someone else with your gift card, because honestly, it's just nice and thoughtful.

I'll be posting pics of outfit variations I come up with here and there, so you can see what I'm thinking. Hopefully it'll give others some ideas too!

So, do you think you are up for it? Do you think you are strong enough? I know I am! I have too much. I'm trying to get down to a minimalist lifestyle anyways. It's going to be a long road, but I'm excited to try this out!

Soft Skeletons

"How can you expect to win this war, if your too afraid to fight?" - Anberlin

At Bible study this week, we discussed "resolutions" in honor of the New Year. We were each given a note card and told to write down 1 word that represented what we wanted to work on this year. For example, one girl said her word was "purpose" because last year she was scatterbrained and flew through the year with nothing really special to look back on at the end of it. I know the feeling honey!

Courage.

My word was courage. It's so broad, I know. That's why I picked it. I wanted a word that I could use to cover a multitude of things.

Then we had to go through and pick a few verses about our word. I found one that is one of my new favorites. I've heard the verse a million times, but because I now have a "word" and a goal, the verse takes on a new meaning. It was like I've never heard it before.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

Powerful stuff huh?

I mean, it's like 4 goals in 1 verse if you think about it. Heaven knows I've been weak and am working on being stronger. I've let my guard down. I've lacked faith at times. I've been a coward at times.

But I'm working on courage. Courage to try new things, do crazy things. Courage to date again. Courage to stand up for what I believe in, courage to stand up to what I think is right. Courage to work hard and fight for what I want.

Time will tell I guess.

"Do everything in love." 1 Corinthians 16:14

Those 2 verses put together are like ka-pow! Something always important to remember every day.

What would be your word?

Real

"the biggest chance that we can take, is open arms and wide awake." - Goo Goo Dolls

Happy New Year!!!

Last January 1st I said "I am going to make this a good year" - well, it wasn't. So I won't say that this year. I will say that I'm going to find some good in every day and focus on that. Hopefully by the end of the year - or December 21st when it all ends - I can look back and say "this was a great year." Fingers crossed.

I made no real "resolutions" - I have a few goals I hope to work on/towards and that's it. Keeping it simple and realistic.

Anyways, on to the real reason you are tuned in right now.....the continuation of my dating adventure.

Well, I wasted no time. I had a date today - a very interesting/unusual one. I did the Polar Bear Plunge. That's basically where you run (or in my case - walk - ) 2 miles and the last I'd say half mile or so, you jump into 3 different swimming pools and run some more to the finish line. These pools are not heated...in fact.....they put ice in them. The were literally freezing. Maybe 35 degrees tops. I thought I was going to pass out, no joke. The last pool provides you with beer and medals......at the bottom of the pool of course. My date was nice enough to get my medal so I didn't have to go under because that really would've been the end of it. But as crazy as it is, it was really a lot of fun.

So, now for what I'm looking for, in case you might know someone who fits the bill. Let me start this with a disclaimer - I plan to be as politically correct yet honest as I can be here - I hope nobody is offended over anything I say.

The first and most important thing is religion. "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" - 2 Corinthians 6:14. The Bible makes it very clear to be in relationships with other believers. I'm not picky about denominations or anything, just need a man who believes in God, prays, and does his best to live a good life. I'm not perfect, I slip a lot, but I just need someone who knows and shares what I'm about.

There is the general stuff: a job is key. That's just how it is. I have one, you should too. I have a car and insurance, you should too. Housing I'm not too particular about, as long as you have one (or apartment obviously). Now, if you live with your parents, well - I lived with mine until I was 24 so I would just have to hear the circumstances. I can work with it depending on what it is. Also, intelligence/common sense is always needed. I don't need a brain surgeon, but someone I can actually have an interesting conversation with and not feel bored is a great start. A sense of humor (that one is important - those who understand/speak sarcasm are probably the best in that category). I like to laugh.

Now this isn't a requirement, but someone in the medical field or someone who has some knowledge of that area is a big bonus. Just because that's what I know, live, breathe pretty much. It's nice to have someone who knows what I'm talking about, someone who could teach me something etc.

I don't have "a type" when it comes to physical attraction - I once dated a guy that I thought was "my type." He was like 6' 4" dark brown hair, tan, gorgeous. Worked out. Great dresser. Had a great job. Pretty much perfect on paper......he was a douche. That was when I decided I didn't have a type and I had to be more open minded.

The fact is, I have found myself attracted to all different types of men.

Now, red-heads are not my favorite - blame my first real boyfriend for that. For one, I'm just not generally attracted to them. Now, if it's a red/brown, I can maybe work with it. But no Carrot Tops please.

Be healthy - I am by no means "perfect" but I try to take care of myself and have been trying to improve a lot the last month or so - I don't mean you have to work out everyday and eat only organic foods - I eat junk a lot because it's yummy and I don't care. But have good hygiene and take care of yourself. If you are heavy and just sit around all day, I'm not interested. But if you are heavy and are seriously making changes to be more healthy, I can work with it. If you are skin and bones and don't attempt to get some muscles, I'm not interested. Don't need a muscle man, but need someone who could protect me haha. Basically, someone who works out at least a couple days a week like I do is a good start.

Height is another issue. It used to be a HUGE issue for me but I've mellowed out more over the years. I still prefer a guy to be at least my height (5' 8") or couple inches taller because I do sometimes where heels and I don't like that "I'm taller than him" feeling. It's just a self-conscious thing for me. Sorry.

I plan to date around. I'm not looking for a relationship right away, just looking to meet new people, have fun, and see where it goes. I'll just be honest, I'll probably date more than one guy at a time.

With that said, I will not be having sex. If something leads to a relationship then we'll cross that bridge at that time. I just wanted to be clear about this in case somebody is looking for that, they won't find it here. Or in case one guy is worried that while I'm dating him, I'm sleeping with another guy. No, I don't do that. Thanks.

That's about it. Feel free to message me with any questions, I think I covered it all though.