"If I fall and crash and burn, at least we both know that I tried. As I crawl, those lessons learned, they remind me I survived. I've been hurt, and I've been scarred, at least I know that I'm alive...at least we both know that I tried" - Lifehouse
Time for a life update, I've been slacking.
So, once again, did not get into PA school. Boo. But lately, I'm thinking maybe that's okay. I'm going to take my GRE again and right now I'm retaking the dreaded Biochem just to prove I can do better. But lately, the only thing I can think about is the MCAT. Maybe I still want to be a doctor? I just don't know.....my indecision is almost depressing.
Also, my weight. Listen, you can venture over to my healthy blog right now, it's still new and gaining momentum, but the fact is....I'm in a rut. I'm eating better, working out, taking vitamins....and my body is at a stand still.....the sad thing is, I know why and right now there's nothing I can do about it.
Why, Cheyenne, why is this happening to you?
Well, let me tell you.....*work*
I left the ER in 2006 and in about a month or two, I had lost 20 pounds. I didn't change my diet and just continued to do my daily walks (no running at that time)....20 pounds.....of stress......gone!
I returned in April 2010 and guess what, 3 years later....20 pounds are back and not budging.
But wait, I love the energy of the ER, I love fast-pace work, so a little stress isn't a problem, right? Well here's the thing....it's not the job itself, it's everything else. It's the morale of my co-workers, the ignorance, the lack of consistency and communication.....it's me worrying how much longer until they decide they don't need my position, it's getting a call to come in an hour after I've called-in sick. It's the fact that I can't leave work at work because it follows me home. I have to vent when I get home. I listen John vent. Sometimes even my mom has to vent. I don't know how to let it go when I clock-out. Any suggestions??? (other than finding another job, as that's not an option due to the need for flexibility - they do let me make my own schedule for the most part, so that's one good thing).
Needless to say, the year is starting out a little rough and incredibly hectic. I'm so exhausted! I took a couple weeks off in May (as I do every year) and I've just put in for time off in September....it's important to take breaks, even if you don't go anywhere......getting away from that toxicity is important!
